i felt kinda weak writing that post, don’t hate me for that pls :(
(sorry for my bad english, and it is big but i want you to read it)
hm, idk how to start telling you about these things but here we go.
well, idk if someone noticed i don’t post here like i used to.
you know, people change, life changes…
i used to be really depressed whe i started this, in 2011 (if i’m not wrong)
this year, 2014, i got better. no, not 100%, of course… it is impossible.
if you follow me since that year, you know i used to cut and burn myself A LOT (my left arm, belly, legs and other parts of my body are covered in scars), i used to starve, i used to puke after eating, bc i didn’t feel good with my body. and i posted lots of things about it here (those things that triggered other people and i’m so sorry for that) and in 2011, tumblr was full of it. it didn’t finished yet, but you could find posts and pictures about those stuff mostly here in all internet websites.
i was part of it. (and i still don’t know if i like it or not…)
anyway, all i wanted to say is that i’m on recovery.
i am more than 6 months clean from self-injury.
(i still didn’t drop taking sleeping pills, but i am really trying to deal with my high anxiety)
i won’t say i’m getting ‘happy’, i know i will always be a sad girl, but i am getting better, i feel motivated to study, to smile, to TRY. it is still hard to get up every morning, mostly when i feel like stay in bed all day, but i still get up, get dressed and go do stuff. i won’t say it is easy, it hurts and sometimes i miss cutting my skin, i won’t lie to you guys.
but i won’t do that. my family, friends and boyfriend are happy and proud of me. I AM PROUD OF ME :)
about the ed i almost developed, i still suffer, it is still hard to eat specific kind of food, the numbers still give me nightmares and the memories of those days still haunt me (and will haunt forever) but i am trying too. i am trying to eat well, do healthy exercises and stuff.
what i am trying to say is that i don’t think this blog, suicidalvampire, represents me anymore, it doesn’t express what i am now.
if i feel sad, if i feel like trying to kill myself again? yes. sometimes i really think a lot about it. but not as i used to and i’m ok with this.
sometimes i will come here to post about horror movies, the gifs, photoset and stuff, but i am using another account to express who i am now and what i’m feeling nowadays.
if you want to take a look, send me a message and i will post the url, it’s very different from this blog (and, again, i still don’t know if i like it or not)
i am sorry for these, but i hope you get my point.
and if you are feeling sad, depressed, suicidal, you really fucking hate your body and want to talk to someone who knows how it is, who felt it, you can talk to me whenever you want, by sending messages here, on the other blog, you can ask me for my facebook account too, it won’t bother me, i feel very good in helping people who are passing trhough something i passed. i know how hell looks like, i know you’re trapped there and are lost, don’t know where to start to get out of your own hell.
if you want to talk, PLEASE, don’t hesitate on looking for me or someone to talk about it. you are not alone!
i hope you guys get better, like i am getting better :) don’t give up, don’t stop fighting. it hurts, i know, but the result… it is worth it. ;)
miss you, miss those days, i won’t forget anyone who talked to me here.
thank you all, there is a place in my heart for you.
(sorry for my bad english, again, i hope you could understand)
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i came here to tell you that
i LOVE this t-shirt
ghostface is one of my fav slasher characters
and scream is one of my fav franchise
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